"Daddy Day Care" for daddies

There are several movies that I can watch repeatedly with no problem (much to Gail's chagrin).  Some of these repeatable flicks are:  princess bride, rat race, most ah-nold flicks, ocean's eleven (soderbergh version), parenthood, and daddy day care (there are more but that's a short and diverse list).
While I come to love Orion more and more each day (sort of what Jack Nicholson said to Helen Hunt:  how the people we can't stand become the people we can't live without), I still have feelings and thoughts of inadequacy, legitimacy in being a daddy.  As I become aware of these thoughts and feelings, I realized it's important for me, and for my relationship with Gail and Orion, to write them--sort of as my therapy and awareness of how to "be a better dad (again. paraphrasing Jack).
But it also occurs to me that I must not be the only dad who has these feelings and thoughts.  There are challenges every day in different forms whether you are a bio-parent, adoptive parent, or trans-racial adoptive parent. 
I would welcome thoughts, feelings, and comments from anyone--parent, friend, family--as we share and continue this journey.  Perhaps, it can, encourage Daddy Day Care groups (with or without kids) for daddies to talk amongst themselves.

Pride (in the name of love)

My mother just turned 77 years old.  While she continues to be the mother of all pack rats, she has been simplifying her household by sending stuff to me.
Recently, I received some old pictures of me with my Dad (part of the stuff she sends are pictures for me to remember, for my wife to see us as a family, and to slowly reduce the stuff in her house).  What struck me about the pictures is the love and pride I saw in my Dad's face.
I wondered whether I have that same pride when looking at my son. I don't think I've felt pride--sometimes, but also fear and shame too. What I realized during one of my dreams is that "pride" seems to be coming from a place of "ha, my seed works; I've successfully reproduced my gene pool." As an adoptive father, I don't have that. In fact, I also fear whether I am legitimate as a father; both in the eyes of other folks of color and of other parents. What I do have is a little being who looks at me with wonder, joy, love, admiration (even though he needs, to test things out for himself)--my son is FULLY attached to me and my wife. I am my son's father in his 2 year old eyes; there ain't anyone else doing that job. My wife thinks of us having and showing admiration as a way of allowing others, and especially our son, to see the joy we feel from his every accomplishment, and existence in our lives. I seems important to recognize our feelings and shortcomings now, and be able to make some adjustments so that our son can feel with each and every molecule n his body how much we love, admire, and are proud on our own way of and for him.